Hey, It’s My Anniversary–Again!

Hi all! Hope Monday (and the rest of this week) finds you all well. I’ve been dealing with a sinus infection all weekend and haven’t had energy to do much. At least Saturday ran an NCIS marathon; Sunday brought the Barcelona ATP Masters Championship featuring Rafa Nadal in the final. That worked-and the maestro of the clay courts won, too. Yay! (Thought I was linking to a single photo. What the heck–enjoy!)

Back to today: married eighteen years to my hunny and beginning to get the whole ‘depth’ thing that goes along with a long-term relationship. He and I are known for our differences, but we work hard at being respectful of what makes each of us who we are on the day to day. I promise too, that opposites really did attract on every single level, even down to us viewing my laptop screen: him with reading glasses, me with distance glasses, lol. Yet, one day at a time, one situation at a time, we’ve made it to Wedding Anniversary #18 (and even like each other today).

What keeps us strong? Speaking only for myself, choice.  As I’ve written in previous anniversary posts, choosing to be committed on those rare days I not want to be. Truth is, no matter how wonderful a relationship, it takes work. True, some might take less work than others, and there are those who find themselves in a situation in which only one person is doing most of it.

That’s par for the course. Ideas about a 50-50 share of the work is common, but most folks may not consider that 50-50 is an average number. And those of you who are mathematically inclined understand that an average is gained by adding varied sums and dividing by the total number of sums used.

What does that translate to? Simple, math-wise anyway. Sometimes I do more of the work. Sometimes hubby does.

Honestly, I may be more blessed than some. Hubby and I rarely fight, as in it gets nasty and/or ugly between us. (Maybe five or six times in eighteen years? Not bad, right?) Despite our disagreements and fundamental differences as people, we try to talk things out and approach each other as friends. I’ve also come to know that I need to explain my point of view the next day, or when we’re not in that angry moment, when one or both of us might not be thinking clearly. (That’s just plain-old impulse control, friends: an imperative life skill to practice no matter what the situation or setting, i.e., work, home, etc.)

Neither of us likes being at odds. Fortunately, those ugly times usually last little more than a week, and even when the stretch has been (much) longer, we’re still respectful when dealing with the matters a household and family bring. No directing the kids with, “Tell your father…” or “You can let your mother know…” Fights (between almost anyone, I think) are often about control issue(s) anyway. Being aware of that makes a huge difference—period.

I could probably go on and on but I most certainly will not! 😀 I will, however, point you to a pair of previous posts on commitment. (Find those here and here.) Please, also take a moment and visit April Cassidy’s Peaceful Wife’s Blog. She covers a range of related topics and shares much wisdom.

This was taken at my bridal shower. Geez, my favorite Frannie Drescher   (as Fran Fine) got nothing on this big hairdo!
This was taken at my bridal shower. Geez, my favorite Frannie Drescher (as Fran Fine) got nothing on this big hairdo!

And before I forget, happy anniversary to my hunny! My humble gratitude and love to the guy who has shown his own side of love and commitment to this looney lady all these years! I am blessed.

Until next time,

Joanna

Wedding Anniversary Seventeen and Blog Post 230

#230: A WordPress milemarker. Ironically enough it’s on commitment. (Go figure.)

Meant to get this up and ready to go last night but hubby and I got back MUCH later than expected from our anniversary dinner. We even got to do a little dancing. Spent part of the AM in church and am now finally getting some time to get caught up.

This post recently ran over at fellow Liberty States Fiction Writer Chris Redding’s blog. Thought it appropo to run today. If you missed it, here’s your chance to catch up. If you’ve already read it–and hopefully liked it–please feel free to SHARE the thoughts! 😉

The other morning, hubby I were hanging out in the kitchen. It was one of those fresh, sunny spring days, the kind that really brings to light how bright my kitchen is. Hubby was in a good mood—think we both were—and I noticed how his backlit green eyes really popped against the backdrop.

And it occurred to me how much I enjoy and love him these days. Or, as he would say, I was “peaking.”

Got me to thinking: We’re married seventeen years April 29. Hard to believe sometimes, but yep, that’s what it is. Most of the time, things are pretty even keel. Like others (I’m sure) we get our up days and down days; days we like each other and days we wonder, “What were we thinking?” (Hubby says we weren’t. ;)) Fortunately, the percentage of the latter tends to outweigh the former.

I thought a little more. Last year, right around this time, some ‘stuff’ that had been building hit its climax. Hindsight may be 20/20, but until you’re far enough away from a situation to actually have that perspective (and maybe to even see how ‘stuff’ was a set-up or segue to a greater good), surviving ‘stuff’ is a choice one makes. Sometimes one does so a day at a time; sometimes an hour at time or whatever it is those involved can handle.

We’ve gotten through other ‘stuff’ too—again, via a conscious choice to do so. We’ve drawn lines in the sand and made up our minds to agree to disagree on certain subjects. We’ve learned to joke about topics that were very hot a few years ago (not that we agree on them either and probably never will).

But we have chosen to accept each other the best we can for exactly who we are. (And learning, over the past nineteen years—we dated about eighteen months before marrying—that we’re kind of polar opposites but can OPT to make this work between us. And those lovely moments I peak? Those are the payoff for hanging tough through the times that feel tougher.

Brings me to the topic of commitment and writing. (Feel free to substitute whatever you like in place of the underlined word. Sometimes I’ll fill in the blank with exercise, day job, kids—almost anything applies.) Rather than get into a long-drawn out discussion on that I’ll simply direct you to my posts (The Big C—Parts One and Two).

These days, I feel as though I’m going through ‘stuff’ with my writing. There are so many changes in the writing world; so many opportunities, yet so much to do and a gazillion possibilities. I suppose, like the opener to Charles Dickens’ classic, A Tale of Two Cities, it is “the best of times (and…) the worst of times.” Time itself is always an issue and, lately so is my focus. (It kinda sucks. There. “I said it; yes I did,” as syndicated radio host and author Michael Baisden is wont to say.)  Story issues. Confidence (or lack of it). Things I’ve yet to learn and others I know I should be putting in motion. Fear of failure. Fear of success.

I hang in there, though, just like I have with my marriage. When I think about it, any (and almost every) relationship I’m part of is like that, right? Same with my writing. Time to make some conscious choices, beginning with a detailed plan of action, a few self-imposed deadlines, etc. If that current work-in-progress (wip) just isn’t working, maybe it’s time to turn my energies to another wip or begin a new one altogether. I’ve taken steps back to learn parts of the craft where I feel weak. I’ve reached out for help from fellow writers. (Now I’ve got to take the plunge and accept some of the offers— What?! Expose that disaster of a document I call ‘scratch pad’? Let people see how truly convoluted my grey matter is, lol? Nah. I’ll take fingernails being dragged down the chalkboard for $200, Mr. Trebec.”)

Then I remember one last thing, something the inspiring Ms. Jody Hedlund alluded to in a recent post at her blog. She talked about my unique writer’s journey and the pace I may be meant to keep. How I translate that to apply to me: I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be (in God’s plan for me, or so I choose to think). If that’s the case, then all I need to do is hang in a little longer, keep taking steps in positive directions and, like these days with hubby, enjoy peaking during a much-welcomed moment of payoff.

So what are your thoughts on these topics? What gets you through the stuff of life and what payoffs have you been blessed to experience? Are you following the pace that’s right for you? Do you feel as though you’re where you’re meant to be at this very moment in time?

Have a great day,

Joanna

Name those Chores You Love (?) and Hate!

Okay, I’m behind this week—probably a bit lazy too, what with recuperating from all that Super Bowl excitement and all. (If, like me, you’re still thinking about it click here for a post on MHO of what it took for the current champions to get to the place where they fought for that ring. And I’m seriously kind of missing having something that much fun to look forward to this week. The French Open Tennis Championships are a long haul away: last two weeks of May. :()

Anyway, typed up a recipe post earlier today but not in the mood to run it. (Must be that lazy part again, which kicked in when I was doing my hair and looking at the dust and lint that seems to collect in both bathrooms daily. (Forced hot air doesn’t help, and yep, I try to wipe down the surfaces in some shape or form minimum every other day. My Italy-based aunts and cousins would be horrified to think a dual full bathroom scrub-down doesn’t take place daily, lol.)

Got me thinking about tossing this one out just for fun: list the Number One chores that top your DON’T MIND and DESPISE lists and a sentence or two why.

http://www.bgorealestate.com/sell/images/housecleaning.gif

DON’T MIND: Handwashing dishes and glasses. (Y’all can keep the silverware, pots and pans, thank you very much.) I like the running water and these items are easy enough to organize on a dish rack. And I rarely dry these items by hand.

DESPISE:  Dusting. And laundry. No matter how often I do either each is right back in my face, taunting me I have to do it again. Soon. Very soon.

http://www.fotosearch.com/CSP044/k0440574/

Sorry. Slipped to a dark place for a second. Your turn!

Have a great weekend,
Joanna