Letting Go: They’re Growing Up—Part 2

Hi everyone. Hope those to whom this applies got to enjoy a wonderful Father’s Day doing exactly what they love to do. I know my hunny deserved a great day. Hope he feels he got one. 🙂

As we’ve all come to learn about Joanna Aislinn, she is not particularly good about creating—let alone sticking to—a schedule.

I am very glad, however, to have hosted Christine Warner as she launches her next book, Secret Love. (If you missed it, the link to last week’s post is below.)

I wanted to tie into Stacey Wilkes’ Life Lessons of a Mom posts one more time. (They’re quite interesting and very mom-relatable, or so says MHO.  Feel free to check them out.  I linked you to her most recent.  This one and this one are read-worthy as well.)

Ended my post-before-last on the topic of overprotective Italian mammas with a promise of a post about D-Day, a.k.a., the day Older Son’s acquired the dreaded DL. That would be the—scary music please—Driver’s License. (Thought I was bad the day the kid went on the ski trip.)

Joanna n baby boys  Older Son is on my right.  

Background: I always remember a day when Older Son was eight. I was standing on a neighbor’s porch, watching my boy cross the street alone. Out of nowhere a thought hit me: That boy is halfway to his driver’s permit.

Well, that stay of execution came, sooner than any parent wants, I guess. At sixteen-just-turned, the boy did his six-hours-behind-the-wheel course and practiced driving with his mamma every chance he could. (Talk about not feeling in control that first time the kid is controlling the car and mamma is in the passenger seat. The perspective changes big-time!)

DL Day came in December—on a snowy morning. He already had a car and went to school with it immediately after finishing his road test.

Aside: My Italian mamma didn’t let me take a car alone anywhere for the first six months. See? I’m much better at letting go than my ma was–and is. She’s an off-the-boat Italian mamma–and far, far worse than I. Just sayin’.

Back to the DL-Day: That evening, Older Son told me he was picking up his girlfriend at work, off a nearby, VERY BUSY highway. No way was that boy going onto THAT highway, and driving up a slippery, snowy and/or icy ramp in the dark w/o his mamma.

He did fine until after we picked her up. I knew where three lanes on that stretch become two; wasn’t sure the kid did. Not sure, either, whether he noticed the semi-trailer merging right to left—sans blinker—at that exact spot.

Mamma calls out: “Watch the truck!”

Older Son swerves left at the very instant a car flies by on the same side.

Don’t ask we didn’t get side-swiped. God was watching I’m sure.

We got out of there safely and dropped off his girlfriend at home.

Mamma promptly lost it, on the less-than-five-minute-drive between our houses. Older Son, in all his compassion, pulls over and hugs his mamma. “I knew this was coming.”

“I’m sorry! It’s just that I love you so much, and I know I can’t hold you back, but I’m so scared at the same time.” Sob, sniffle. Sniffle, sob.

The next morning, I got up and did the li’l old Italian lady thing—sobbed like a fool—while everyone else slept. The morning after that, the inspirational books came out.

By the end of that first week, people often asked, “How’s the driving going?”

“I’m doing much better,” I would answer.

I realized then I hadn’t texted the kid—for the first time in a week—to make sure he’d gotten to school.

I suppose I’m doing better, almost seven months since DL Day. I’ve survived his first snowboard trips with only a friend, and a spring-break ride to the shore. The next biggies: going to the shore with his friends and no parent(s).

The weekend-after-the-senior-prom deal is more than a year away.

I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

photo (33)  This was taken on the first day of this school year. (Only they aged, right? Right??) The brute on my right is Younger Son. He’s training for a lineman position for his high school’s football team. (Now why can’t either one of these guys be into a nice safe sport like…uh..tennis? 😉 )

Check out Christine Warner’s virtual visit here.

Have a great parent war story to share? I’d love to read about it! Solidarity!

Have a great week, everyone. Thanks for indulging me!

Joanna

Letting Go: They’re Growing Up (Part 1)

Letting ‘Em Go: They’re Growing Up—Part 1

Since I’m still developing the posts I had hoped to get to this week—based on two written by Kristen Lamb at her awesome blog—I’ll allow myself to get sidetracked a bit. Hope you get something out of the next two weeks.

Really loving and relating to fellow blogger and fiction author Stacey Wilkes’ Life Lessons of a Mom posts. One of her most recent touched on her self-imposed role as overprotective mother (a.k.a. chaperone) on her 8th grade daughter’s upcoming trip to Washington, DC.

Stacey and I are both Italian mammas. My mom is off-the-boat, and her family of origin is one of the most loving crowds one could get to know. Unfortunately, anxiety—and hence the need to control their world—runs rampant. (I’m blessed enough to take after my dad’s side. Counseling in my younger days helped too—a lot.)

Not sure how much of this stuff is in-bred, lol. I consider myself a pretty laid-back parent—not to be confused with permissive. I work very hard at giving my kids their space while hovering near enough in the vicinity to be ‘hands-on’ if/when needed (or wanted).

Letting go when it comes to ‘big things’ is another story. Not saying I don’t, but that deep-seated Italian (?) anxiety, upbringing—whatever you want to call it—shows up. Every time Older Son (in particular) wants to do that next thing my mom would have NEVER allowed, I turn into a sobbing fool.

One quick example: In 7th grade, Older Son won a raffled snowboard. Of course I didn’t allow him to attend the ski club’s day trip that year! The thought of a 14-year-old on the slopes with who-knew-what-kind-of-supervision (if any) freaked me out. The next year, the moderator of the club begged me to let him go. She called, left me her cell number, etc. I finally acquiesced. (Hubby might have taken him to a local ski resort in the meantime, so we had a sense of what the kid was like up there in the fine, cold powdery stuff.)

Trip day arrived (a Saturday). Dropped the kid off at the bus in the winter-dark at 6:30 AM and waited a while. Since I was the only parent fool enough to hang out in the parking lot, I decided to go home and save Older Son the embarrassment.

Sat outside my house and sobbed like a fool. Every generation of Italian ladies that came before me channeled themselves through me that morning. Settled for texting Older Son at intervals throughout the day. Thank goodness the boy is kind enough to return his ma’s messages.

We’ll discuss the day said kid got the dreaded DL another time.

So: How do you let go? Are you naturally good at it, or is it a practiced skill? Are you an “Italian” mamma?

Have a great week, folks!

Joanna

Could We Have Possibly Done Something Right? (Part 5)

Happy New Year and Merry Little Christmas, everyone! Welcome to 2014 and the New Year’s first post at ‘da blog.’

I’m hoping to wrap up the parenting topics we dealt with prior to the holidays coming in and taking life over, lol. One li’l Christmas 2013 memory ties in, that of the bag of coal Younger Son (YS) got attached to one of his gifts. Several years ago, he was much more difficult to deal with, so we punked him, if you will, and wrapped up some coal Older Son (OS) found somewhere outdoors.

YS was very offended that Christmas morn. Jumped up, ran away crying—very dramatic. (Okay, we weren’t trying to be so mean. Nor did we expect him to react so, lol. And yes, we felt badly.)

He handled it much better this time. “Again,” was all he said, after I called his attention to the little red bag attached to another gift.

bag of coal

That brings me to where I left off last time: dealing with me when it’s time to dole out the disciplinary stuff.

In my last post I talked about letting Older Son (a.k.a. Dawdle Boy) show up at school in his PJs. (Details on that episode here.) As a parent, sometimes the hardest thing is getting past my feelings when the kids do something that requires some kind of addressing or intervention.

Okay, I’ll admit that during those moments when a kid frustrated me ‘til no end I was happy to dole out discipline, punishment, or whatever you want to call it. I. Was. MAD. At those times, it’s easy to ground them for life, take away TV or whatever—I’m guessing underneath it all, I wanted to get even for him for putting me in a position to feel crazy as I did (and still do sometimes).

Did I mention YS is my challenge-child?

Back to our originally-scheduled next point: Follow-through. It’s the hardest part, folks. Once I calmed down, I had to get past feeling badly that my cherub now has to deal with being punished or disciplined.

(BTW, this isn’t even beginning to touch on the host of sentiments a parent deals with when kids are whining, negotiating, screaming “I hate you!” and all that other fun stuff they dole out when  doing their time, if you will. That stuff, you tune out in any way, shape or form you can—assuming no one will be physically hurt by any of the behaviors going on.

One more thing: if you can’t calm that child–or yourself–down enough to get them to time out or whatever other consequence you imposed–wait. Impose it later, when things have cooled down. It really works.)

Back to feeling badly. That is my problem. Real life demands I deal with the consequences of my actions. The same is true for EVERYONE around me—no exceptions.

When I take a step back and let my kid off the hook I erase a vital opportunity for him to learn that for every action there is (typically) a reaction.

A (quick-Ha!) illustration:

YS was about 8 years old. Hubby and I went out and Nonna (a.k.a Grandma) babysat. As soon as we got back OS was at the door informing us that YS had physically pushed his grandmother when she told him once and for all video game time was up for the night.

Nonna gave OS a look, then admitted she would have kept quiet about the episode. She felt badly about YS “getting in trouble.” (Of course OS, the informant, had no problem insuring li’l bro suffered the consequences. ;))

Now I know grandparents tend to have soft places in their hearts for the grandkids—and y’all know I would never have gotten away with behavior like that.

So, YS had to apologize to Nonna on the spot. Next his video games went away for the following three weeks. (Nonna objected—again, she felt badly—but that’s the fun part of being the parent. My word now carries the weight, lol. And guess what: dealing with feeling badly was Nonna’s problem, not mine or YS’s.)

Was YS a ‘bad’ kid? No, just impulsive—very typical of kids, and of boys in particular. Although not formally diagnosed to date, my inner occupational therapist senses YS has a bit of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) going on; decreased impulse control is typically an issue with that crowd.

To wrap up that incident: YS spent the subsequent three weeks ticking off the days on the calendar. Chances are he whined and begged a bit—or more. (Kids do that! ;)) And yep, at times hubby and I felt badly (there’s that phrase again) but we didn’t give in.

Guess what: YS never pushed his grandmother again either. Plus, he learned hubby and I meant business.

(In case you missed them, links to the posts preceding this one are included in Part 4.)

What about you? How do you handle situations such as these? Do you follow through or fold? One more bigger illustration next time and then I should be done.

Have a great day and week, everyone. If you feel inclined, please SHARE. 🙂

Thanks,

Joanna

Could We Have Possibly Done Something Right?–Part 2

Hope everyone had a great week and weekend. Sorry for last week’s posting snafu. Funny. I made a mental note to change the date on the ‘inspired some more’ write-up, but forgot to check the note, I guess. 😉

“What foundation did you lay for something like that to happen?”

That’s where I left off last post. If you missed it, you might want to check it out. (Pinky swear: it ain’t all that long, and lays the groundwork for this one.)

As I stated previously, my coworker’s question really struck me, and I’ve been wondering about it ever since. Those of you who have been hanging around the blog for a while might remember a series of posts I did about Discipline vs. Control. (I’ve linked you to the first. Feel free to take it from there, for a total of five essays on the topic, and maybe a bit more insight into groundwork laid.) And before I go any further, please note I’m no magician who turned my guys into pretty awesome young-men-in-the-making. Yes, Hubby and I work hard constantly, but I also believe we are lucky, too. (Some folks do everything to the best of their ability and still run into problems. And that’s assuming there aren’t special needs or other issues involved.) 

Okay, back to business.

Not that Hubby didn’t help out before, but since he took on the role of stay-at-home-dad, he’s taken on many of the responsibilities involved in keeping a house running. He often refers to the house as “his job”. So, he models a lot of the cleaning behaviors and consideration. (These are important components, folks.  Akin to the subtext in a story: what’s not written but inherent and working on your psyche as you read.)

We usually all pitch in after dinner. On many occasions though, when Hubby knows I still have paperwork to do, or errands to run after work, he’ll offer to clean up on his own. (Most of the time, I try to move a little faster and make sure to employ everyone present. If every person does a small part of the bigger job, we all get done more quickly, and one person isn’t stuck with all the work, right?)

And this is a bit of an aside, but it ties in: years ago a friend and I were chatting. Something came up about her husband offering to “help” her do something home or kid related. My friend accepted his offer. She also took the time to point out that whatever had to be done was their responsibility—not hers alone with him jumping in because he thought it was kind, his duty or whatever other reason spurred him on to offer his time and efforts.

Back to subtext: this was a shift in perspective for me! Being a doer, I tend to lead and ask others to take on parts of the job. I quickly got the concept and passed it on to Hubby. Little by little, could it be the sons are getting this too? (Interesting too, how on the same day I write this, older son just happened to start filling the dishwasher while he, his dad and I were hanging out in the kitchen, discussing how his friend’s mom seems to create at least part of the conflict she complains about re: her son. It was like my guy was on auto-pilot, chatting and cleaning. More thoughts on this in a later post.)

Allow me one more take on this before I get back to the point please: When my full-timers were small and my part-timers (a.k.a., stepsons) were still children and spent time here regularly (i.e., weekends, overnighters, etc), the bulk of my time outside the day job—which never lacked for work to bring home—was taken up with two to five boys at any given time and paperwork when I wasn’t attending to a kid.

One day, Hubby got a little annoyed with this. He told me he felt as he was “at the bottom of the totem pole.”

I’m sure he got a look for that one. “Actually,” I told him, “I’m at the bottom. You’re probably the next step up. However, since we’re supposed to be equal in this relationship and family situation, I’m thinking you’re belong at bottom next to me.” (Chances are, Hubby wasn’t too thrilled with me at that moment.)

And all this, IMHO, brings me back to a single word: RESPONSIBILITY. Perhaps that is the “key” to the “foundation” Hubby and I may have laid “something like this to happen,” as my coworker put it.

We’ll talk about this more next week.

Have a great one, folks. And if you found this content share-worthy, would you kindly take a sec and do so?

As always, I thank you!

Joanna

Could We Have Done Something Right?!

Hi all–hope you had a great week and weekend. I’m actually trying to fathom what a break from tennis will be like. The men’s year-end final wraps up tonight. No tournaments until mid-December. Now how will I fill my ‘spare’ time for the next four weeks, lol?

“You realize we’re both hating you right about now,” said a new coworker, a few weeks ago. She, myself and a student’s assistant were discussing kids and getting them to do their chores without it being a struggle.

I’d happened onto their discussion, just in time to hear the assistant saying she was tired of “paying” her kids before their chores were done, then having to argue about it.

Interestingly enough, this conversation was taking place a few days after hubby and I decided to leave the dinner dishes and go hit tennis balls before dark. Younger Son (who is a few weeks shy of his 15th birthday) had cleared the dishes, but there were still pots to be washed, the counter to be wiped down…you know.

Aside: This Italian was raised to NEVER do the next thing—God forbid, something fun, lol—until the house is clean. Somehow, hubby got infected with this disease and looked at me like, You want to go now? Leave this mess? (I assured him it would be there when we got back.)

Well, hubby and I took off, had some fun and headed back home. (I happened to have an awesome day on the court–for me, anyway. Just sayin’.) It was still just light enough for a walk, so I opted to take a short one before it got any darker. “Oh sure. Leave me with the kitchen clean-up,” hubby grumped. (But not terribly.)

“I don’t know why we own Younger Son,” I answered. “There’s no reason we couldn’t have asked him to do it.”

Lo and behold, we entered a FULLY CLEANED KITCHEN. It was like the Cleaning Fairy had dropped in for a visit.

(This is pretty much the point where my co-worker expressed hate. And while I was mentioning it to someone else a day later—hey, I’m still every bit as amazed as the day it happened—another coworker overheard. She did the slow head turn, eyes wide and asked, “What foundation did you lay for something like that to happen?”)

BTW last night, Younger Son did something similar—washed the few dishes that were in the sink without being asked.

And a few weeks ago, when I picked up my mom from the hospital, and it was 10:30 PM, and I hadn’t made it to cleaning the kitchen b/c hubby was away, and I was tied up helping my mom, I walked into the kitchen while Older Son (who is pushing the ripe age of 17) was doing what had to be done, without anyone asking.

And even this past week, when Younger Son had an orthodontist appointment at 6:30 PM—don’t ask why anyone would schedule that time when after school is so much more convenient at my house—and hubby wasn’t home, and both boys and I were scrambling to leave the kitchen clean before taking off, Older Son casually said, “You guys go. I’ll finish this.”

Mother does the glance askance at Older Son. Huh? (This is the same kid that would step out of his shoes in the middle of the doorway and keep walking. At least he slips out of them to the side of a step these days, with one shoe pointing outward every time, which is pretty much how the kid walks, and still proof that he literally steps out of his shoes, lol.)

“What foundation did you lay for something like that to happen?

She really got me thinking. Next time, I’ll share some of the thoughts her question provoked.

Your turn: if you have kids, have they left you flumgubbered enough to wonder what YOU might have done right? Take a minute and tell us about it, please!

Thanks and have a great week,

Joanna

 

Seasonal Affective Disorder: Don’t Let It Get the Best of You! (Part 1)

Happy Tuesday everyone. Hope all is well in your respective worlds. (Somehow, I’m getting by without tennis but that might be a good thing, lol.)

So: Fall is in full swing and the chill is upon us! If there were one season I could skip, it would be winter. Don’t hate it but I don’t look forward to it.

         

Summary:  As the cold weather approaches, therapist, author and Positive Living Expert, Diane Lang, explains what Seasonal Affective Disorder is, symptoms of it, and 10 tips to prevent the winter blues so we can stay happy during the longer, darker and colder winter days. 

It’s almost that time of year again — cold weather, snow, ice, clouds and days with less sunlight.

For parents, winter is a tough time — finding activities that are always inside, worrying about snow days and delays and making sure kids get plenty of physical exercise even though the weather is cold and the days are shorter.

On top of that some parents (and non parents) have to deal with a type of depression called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). This type of depression usually happens in the winter months due to the weather and shorter periods of daylight. Being that this type of depression isseasonal, the symptoms usually come back the same time every year and go away around the same time. The symptoms usually start late fall or early winter and the symptoms start to disappear when the warmer weather and longer days of sunlight return.

Symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder

If you are feeling under the weather during the cold winter months but not sure if you are havingseasonal affective disorder, here are some of the symptoms associated with SAD.

1. Feelings of sadness, hopelessness and anxiety during the winter months.

2. Feeling fatigue, loss of energy, trouble concentrating and unmotivated.

3.  The feelings of sadness, fatigue, isolated, etc. start out mild and become more severe as the winter progresses.

4. Change in appetite and sleeping habits.

5. Social withdrawal – loss of interest in social activities and hobbies. I know a few clients who “hibernate” during the winter months. They don’t leave their house very often during the winter months, they stop socializing and enjoying their daily activities – they start feeling isolated, lonely and depressed. Watch out for this pattern.

The cause of Seasonal Affective Disorder is still unknown, but we know environmental factors plays a role. I have a client who lives in upstate New York near a lake and gets “the lake effect” where he gets so much snow and very little sun all winter. This client has had SAD at the same time every year since his move to upstate New York.  We also know that SAD can run in the family – genetics plays a role. SAD is more common in women and we usually see symptoms starting in young adulthood.

Think we’ll stop here for today, class. Thursday I’ll post Diane’s 10 Tips to prevent the winter doldrums. I know I start counting the days until spring beginning with the winter solstice! 

Have a great day!

Joanna

PEM: Diane Lang on Life Learned!

Hi all,

Welcome to a new week and another Positive Energy Monday. 🙂 Hope each of you is well.

We’ve had our fair share of challenges this week but are hanging in there as a family and trusting God with the reins. He always seems to handle them better than we do, lol. 

Funny. I always grab my good friend Diane’s inbox entries and share. This one truly applied to me this week–and especially on Sunday, when we got some unwelcome news. (Nothing horrid and totally deal-able.) Guess I can boil it down to it’s been a week of teachable moments. 

                

Every day is a learnable/teachable moment. The more I learn to live in the Now and create my day, the more I realize every moment is precious and can be learned from.

This eliminates the right and wrong. It just means what is… is what is.

It eliminates “mistakes;” instead of worrying about making a mistake I now realize that there are no mistakes,  just teachable moments.

Instead of thinking of “failures”, we just realize we need to adjust our path to fulfill our dreams and goals. Every day offers new opportunities. If you realize that, then you will realize there is no such thing as failure. A new direction has opened up.

If we think in the moment, we realize how great each moment is. You’re alive. The moment is all yours to do as you wish.

When you live in the now, you break free from control issues. In the now, we don’t worry about the future and why should we? We can’t control it anyway. We let go of the past because we realize it’s gone and we have the power to make each moment be whatever we choose.

When we live in the moment we actually stop and smell the flowers. We realize how many simple moments of pleasure we actually have each and every day. The small things give us the biggest pleasures such as my daughter’s laugh, my dog’s excitement every time I walk through the door, the warm sun and the lazy days of summer.

If we all could live in the NOW we could release a lot of our worry, anxiety and fear. Imagine life without those distractions.

For more information visit my website: www.dlcounseling.com or my blog at www.creatingbalanceandfindinghappiness.wordpress.com

Buy Diane’s books here: Baby Steps: The Path from Motherhood to Career and Creating Balance

Counseling Educator
www.dlcounseling.com

Thanks to Diane, as always, for allowing me to pass  her wisdom to you. The more I get to know her, the more I realize how much great insight she has and how blessed I am to be on the receiving end of it! 

My HMO about a book I loved later this week! Thanks for stopping in!

Joanna

The Tender Years and Bully Prevention

Happy Monday and second day of July, friends. We’re working on staying cool here in the East–something the Midwest has been dealing with for well over a week already. 

My son’s girlfriend took this shot and created this lovely mirror effect in her photography class. I thought it was awesome enough to post! You go, girl!

Back to blogging! Chances are I’ll run this post again when school re-opens. The topic of bullying has gained a lot of attention in the past year, especially with all the newly imposed anti-bullying mandates on the American education system.

Summary:  Psychotherapist, Author and Positive Living Expert Diane Lang lays out six steps parents can take to help prevent bullying (starting at preschool age).  

Bio: Diane Lang offers expertise on a variety of health and wellness topics about creating balance and finding happiness through positive living. As an expert in her field of therapy, Lang has been interviewed for numerous magazine and newspaper articles and has been a frequent guest on radio and TV shows including “Fox & Friends” on the Fox News Network. Lang is a monthly contributor for “Family Beautiful” magazine, a weekly columnist for MommyTalk.com, a regular featured expert on the “Expat Show” broadcasted weekly on the New York ABC affiliate WTBQ-AM.

Turns out she’s a good friend too! Here are Diane’s thoughts on the topic of bullying:

The recent news story about the grandmother being bullied by kids on the bus struck a cord with all of us. Parents play a huge role in the prevention of bullying. If a child doesn’t know how to express themselves they will become frustrated, angry and act out either towards themselves or others. Here are six steps for parents to take to help prevent bullying:

1.   Teach kids to express themselves and let them know it’s okay to do so. Teach your kids that emotions such as fear, sadness and anger are normal.  What makes them bad is when you internalize your emotions or take them out on others such as bullying. You can teach kids about emotions as early as preschool – ages 3 or 4.

2.   As the parent, be the role model. Do not bully your kids, others and don’t bully each other. If kids are seeing bullying in the household, they will think it’s okay.

3.   If your child is the bully make sure there are consequences for their behavior both at school and home.

  •  The consequences must be specific to your child. If you say no TV but your child isn’t interested in TV it won’t work. Punishment and discipline are very important BUT remember discipline is also showing love.
  • There also has to be consistency with discipline and punishment. The promise of punishment and not sticking to it shows your child they can get away with the bad behavior and they will keep continuing the bad behavior.
  •  Finally, make sure you let your child know that bullying is never acceptable behavior. Go over all actions/behaviors they show that could be considered bullying so they understand. We are seeing bullying at younger ages even in preschool and elementary school.

4.  Teach your kids kindness, respect towards themselves and others, empathy, patience, warmth, caring, etc. They can learn these traits. These traits lead to healthy behavior.

5.  Get your kids involved in volunteer work and community activities. When kids learn to help others
at a young age it causes a few things: Instant boost of happiness, respect for themselves and others plus it raises self-esteem. It also teaches diversity. So again, you’re helping your child to see that everyone is different and that is okay!

6.   Keep an open dialogue with your child. Good communication is key. If you have a good relationship with your child, they will come to you if they are getting bullied.

  • Go over ways your child can handle a bully.
  • Always let your child know it’s not their fault they are being bullied. Empower your child by building them up.
  • Always work on building your child’s self-esteem. Let your child know how proud you are of them. Praise them, listen to them and show them lots of love!

Visit www.dlcounseling.com for more information or contact Tasha at pr@dlcounseling.com

Special thanks to Diane for all her wonderful contributions to this blog! As always, I thank each of you for your virtual visits. If you please, take a moment to click one of the SHARE buttons below and help spread the word on this sensitive topic? 

Have a great day and rest of the week,

Joanna

Job Description: Mom Wanted

Yay! Post number 235!  Hope you’re all enjoying this day. 

Celebrated mine and my niece’s birthday and mother’s day yesterday with snacks, homemade pizzas and dessert. We had my brother and his family, my mom and later, my son’s friends. Couldn’t ask for better. Spent this morning running around a little but now settled in and enjoying my yard, the breeze and my laptop!  (Weather on the north-central east coast has been awesome all weekend.) Special thanks to my good friend Diane Lang who sent this to my inbox and never minds my sharing her wonderful emails! 

    

It’s Mother Day today. I wanted to send a reminder of how much all moms do for us. If we had to hire  a mom this is what the ad would look like and I’m sure more could be added on! If moms received a paycheck our annual salary would be around $125,000. I think Moms are priceless!
Make sure you tell your mom how special she is this Sunday and all year long!
Happy Mother’s Day:
 
Help Wanted: Mom
Must have a beautiful  smile, warm eyes and a loving touch. Highly motivated and energetic individual with the ability to multi-task, negotiate, and manage time. Must be a self-starter and be willing to learn new tasks at any time. Must be organized, delegate responsibility and manage a budget. Patience is a must. Must work well under pressure. Must be responsible, caring, disciplined and have good managerial skills. Listening skills a plus. Must have a reliable car. Position requires long hours, overtime, weekends and holidays. No sick or vacation time. Pay is low, appreciation is rare but you will learn a lot from this position.
Diane Lang, MA
Counseling Educator
www.dlcounseling.com
Thanks again, Diane! Hope you’re enjoying your day, too. 
Catch the rest of you later in the week!
Joanna

Stress? Diane Lang Helps Tackle THAT Monster

Welcome to Monday, friends. I always like to post positive articles and/or tips to start the week off. Always a pleasure to have my wonderful friend Diane Lang in the house! 

          

Here are some of Diane’s ideas on handling stress. Hey. None of us are spared the stress-monster but we can equip ourselves to manage at least some of it, so…

Here’s Diane:

We all have times in our life when we feel stressed out and overwhelmed.  Unfortunately, we can’t live a stress free life BUT we can change how we react to stress. We can become more optimistic and resilient so when stressful events happen in our life, we can handle the stress and move forward.

1. Admit that you are having feelings of stress, anxiety, anger, etc. If you try to hide and deny the pain you will end up burying it deep inside with no outlet. The unfortunate part is it will eventually rear its ugly head. Admit to your pain and take control. This will allow you to move forward an feel powerful. If you stay in denial, you will end up feeling stale, stagnate and depressed.

2. Work on what you CAN control. Once you admit your painful feelings then you can move on to working on what you Can control and remove what you can’t. If you continue to work on things you can’t control you will become frustrated and set yourself up for failure. Write a list of everything in your life that you can’t control. Take that list and do a symbolic activity to show that your removing the can’t from your life. Take the list and put it through a paper shredder or throw it into your fireplace whatever will symbolize your saying goodbye to the cant’s in your life. Then write a list of everything you can control. This will be the list you work on.

3. Find the good even when things are bad. Always look for the positives in a bad situation. For example: I have a friend who has cancer. Even though she has a bad diagnosis, is going through chemo, radiation and paying off medical bills, all she can talk about is the new great friends she has made. That is true positivity and resiliency. Sometimes the positive is what you have learned in a bad situation or how strong you have become but there is always a positive. Look at the big picture and you will find one.

4. Free write – journal write. It’s very healing. Journal writing can help you:

– Look back to see how far you have come;

– Problem solve and find solutions;

– Really think and work through your feelings.

Questions to ask yourself when writing:

How do I feel? Write if your feeling upset, angry, hurt, etc

Write your issues and then ask yourself: What can I do now?

What did I learn?

5. When your stressed you feel emotionally and mentally exhausted but it’s important to remember stress affects you physically. Be in tune with your body. Use your physical signs as warning signs/red flags that something is wrong. Are you feeling fatigued? Stomach problems? Neck and back aches, joint pain, etc.  These signs will let you know it’s time to stop, refuel and relax.

6. Relax. Make sure to take some extra time in your day to meditate, deep breathing exercises, yoga or walk/exercise. Exercise is one of the quickest ways to relax and de-stress quickly, all we need to do is walk. Go walking 3-4 times a week for 20-30 minutes and feel your stress melt away.

Join me for one of my workshops:

Monday April 2 at 7pm – Baby steps the path from motherhood to career – moms re-entering the workforce; Parsippany Adult and Community education, NJ 973-263-7180 ext 4342

Tuesday, April 3 at 6pm – Retrain your brain to positive; Warren Community College, NJ 908-689-7613

For more information please visit Diane’s website.

You can e-mail Diane too: Lifeline36@aol.com

Thanks so much, Diane! 

So how do you take the stress-monster by the reins? Any tip in particular that you identified with or one you’ve tried that works for you? How about one that may not be listed here? Please add your wisdom–think how you’re possibly benefiting so many others by doing so! (And, if you like what you read here, please take it one step further and give a click on the share button(s) of your choice? Thanks!)

Fans of HAPPILY DIVORCED and/or Fran Drescher or John Michael Higgins or any of the zany cast members, Wednesday is your day!

Many thanks for stopping by. Have a great one,

Joanna