self-help

Mothers, Jeans and Self-Esteem

by Joanna Aislinn

Welcome to another week, folks, and a new theme. Always a pleasure to be here and share with you! Thanks so much for stopping in šŸ™‚

mothers day flowers 2014Ā  Ā Mother’s Day Flowers from all my men–I’m too short to get a good image if vase is on table, lol.

Joanna n baby boysĀ  I’m thinking my boys were one and three (?) in this image. Now the big one is the little one, and the little one is the big one. Where did the time go?

Joanna n Niconus 05-11-2014Ā Ā Older son and his ma on Mother’s Day–the other guy goes camera shy.Ā 

joanna n hubby Mothers Day 2014Ā  Ā Hubby and me on Ā Mother’s Day :). Now why didn’t I insist on aĀ photo with both my boys????

SoĀ last week I shared about jeans, finding that elusive, ā€œperfect-fittingā€ pair (Iā€™m sure Iā€™ll look for a loooong time, lol) and some encouraging news on that topic via Charlotte Hilton Andersonā€™s blog, The Great Fitness Experiment. (Among the reasons Iā€™ve always liked Jennifer Lopez too. In many ways, she put those of us whose back ends like to uh…hang out more than others on the map. She also very kindly helped designed a line of Ā jeans made to fit said folks. Thanks, J-Lo! )

Rather than drag yā€™all through a longer-winded post than usual last time, I figured Iā€™d pick up with a related topic today. (I promise, people, Iā€™m working on keeping these shorter. )

Much as I love jeans, I hate shopping for them. (Iā€™m to the point where Iā€™m NEVER in the mood to shop for anythingā€”eh, maybe shoes every once in a while. I always seem to gravitate toward the same colors and styles anyway. Seriously, how many red jackets or purses can one person have?)

A couple of years ago, I was killing some time on a Saturday morning. Strolled into the local TJ Maxx and wandered over to the jeans rack. I wound up trying a tan pair of skinnies just for the heck of it, in a brand that tends to fit me better than others.

Danged pair actually fit okay, even in the trouble spots. Long story short, I didnā€™t like them enough to buy them. I did, however, feel encouraged b/c a pair of ā€œskinniesā€ almost fit well enough to be a choice.

Met up with my mom later that day. Feeling good, I told her about the jeans. Her automatic (paraphrased) response? The jeans fit because they werenā€™t cut right and/or had stretched.

No way on the planetā€”in her brainā€”I could have lost a pound or two, or have walked and exercised my way into that cut.Ā  Then I wonder why shopping for clothing is more distasteful than it should be, lol.

So go figure, a few weeks ago, Mama actually complimented me in a pair of skinny jeans. I believe she phrased it something like, ā€œI donā€™t know if you lost weight or itā€™s the pants, but those look good.ā€

Whaaaat???????

Mama almost knocked me out. (Feel free to go a little LL Cool J here. Ā What can I say? My latest TV addiction is NCIS Los Angeles.)

Joanna n mom Mothers Day 2014Ā  Ā Okay. We’ll let Mamma have a spot on the blog b/c she said I looked nice in my jeans.Ā 

So, my blogger-friends, shall we go there? Shall we talk about how our self-esteem relative to clothing all comes back to Mom, lol? If thatā€™s the case, what helped you get past it? (For me, a single book changed a lifetime of perspective. This related blog post tells that story.)

Here’s the link toĀ the post that got me started on this blogging jag. (It’s over at Charlotte’s blog.)Ā I also came across this assortment of seeminglyĀ simple exercisesĀ Ā Charlotte authored for Shape magazine. I hope to have checked them out more closely by the time this post airs.

Have a great week, everyone!

Joanna

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rockin’ Jeans and The Great Fitness Experiment

by Joanna Aislinn

Welcome to the second full week of May, folks. Hope all of you are well.

Poor hubby should be in recovery by now. The anniversary/wifeā€™s birthday/Motherā€™s Day annual event is over again. Every year the poor guy gets slammed.

Back to business: I subscribe to more blogs than I can keep up with, but I do try to hit on each every now and again. This one absolutely made my day. It proved Iā€™m not out of my mindā€”okay, maybe just a touch less than I thought.

I always enjoy posts by Charlotte Hilton Anderson, author of The Great Fitness Experiment (book and blog that go by the same name). Iā€™m sure she is far fitter and way more fitness-savvy than Iā€™ll ever be, but she also tends to be very real. A post she aired about two weeks ago caught my attention big time.

She talked about jeans, about how hard it is for those who work really hard at building and sculpting their thighs to buy jeans that fit them well and comfortably. Believe it or not, those with ā€œmuscilisciousā€ thighs (which Iā€™ll never have), experience problems with jeans very similar to those of us blessed with ā€œampleā€ body parts and the so-called-healthy pear shape. Gapping waistline, ā€œsausage legsā€ when fabric hugs thighs too tightlyā€”those of us who love jeans know how elusive that perfect-fitting pair is to find.

She also mentioned a company named Barbell Apparel that is getting ready to launch a line of jeans that fit well-muscled folks. I figure, said company can only benefit the well-endowed crowd. (Hereā€™s a Washington Post article that shares a tad more detailed, for those who are as excited about this as I am.)

Getting back to my questionable sanity, Charlotte helped me feel a lot better. Iā€™ve recently gotten into some barre workouts. (Some related posts, including a link to my favorite video of same, are listed below.)

In the past month, since I added the barre workout(s), Iā€™ve been feeling really good physically. As I commented on Charlotteā€™s post, however, Iā€™ve also been noticingĀ that my never-will-be-musciliscious-thighs seem to beĀ growing despite the exercise efforts Iā€™m putting in.

Perhaps they are, for once, maybe for the right reasons. Who knows for sure?

My weight has held now for aboutĀ five years. Yes, it’s more than I want but still a good 25 pounds better than when I started making lifestyle changes. Ā The evening before I wrote this post,Ā I nervously put on a pair of pants that had been sitting in a bag for two yearsā€”one of those pairs I had hoped to ā€œget intoā€ after losing 5-10 pounds.

Iā€™ll be danged if I didnā€™t do just that–with my weight still where it was when I bought them, I’m pretty sure.

Joanna--04-26-2014Ā (Of course real estate between the waist and the knees is undercover–it’s all about illusion, right? šŸ˜‰ )

Anyway, this is a bigĀ thanks to Charlotte for helping me realize that Iā€™m not totally crazyā€”and for inspiring me to try on those pants. BTW, a pair of black jeans that fit awesome were in that bag too. Those just got hemmed at the tailors! Yay for jeans that fit well!

Rather than drag this one out, next week Iā€™ll talk about Italian mothers and how they influence oneā€™s self-esteem so well, lol.

So, where do you stand on this topic? Do you like jeans? Does fitness make you feel good or frustrate you? Did you ever consider that fitness had drawbacks?

Here are the links I mentioned above:

Sometimes It’s About the Littlest Things

Can One Book Change Your Life?

Healthy Snacks? I’m Thinking Not–Part 1

Newsflash: Blog-Hopping Can Result In Inspiration!

Newsflash: Blog-Hopping Can Result in Inspiration! (Part 2)

My (current) favorite ballet barre workoutĀ šŸ™‚

Have a great week folks! Please don’t hesitate to SHARE should you like the content or feel moved to do so in any way!

Until next time,

Joanna

 

 

Fast Forward to Managing Holiday Stress!

by Joanna Aislinn

Hi all,

Hope all is well with everyone! If I don’t get these posts into place the weekend before, life on the day-to-day gets so busy-nutty, I can’t make the time to catch up! Just last night, hubby-the-hero-not-a-plumber-but-gets-the-job-done (and I, the assistant) wound up making an Ā unscheduled trip to my mom’s to do an unexpected faucet installation. And seems every night something else is going on. It is what it is, right? (Though I offer no complaints. There are those in serious and dire situations. I am inconvenienced.)

But, that does tie nicely into…

Wow. As a kid there was no way I could understand why adults found the holiday season so stressful. Ā Christmas is only a small part of the pressure-I’m-feeling deal; all credit, too, to my younger son (14 y/o) who loves the decorating (inside and out), tree-trimming and gift-wrapping enough to take over most of it! Hubby handled lights inside so the place has a loverly glow in the evenings. They’ve done a phenomenal job and taken a lot of the work load off of me! Thanks, men!

IMGP2101

I love Jack Henry, the rabbit. My first Christmas with hubby, my sisters-in-law (to be at the time) dumped JH on my lap and told me not to expect gifts in the future, lol.
I love Jack Henry, the rabbit. My first Christmas with hubby, my sisters-in-law (to be at the time) dumped JH on my lap and told me not to expect gifts in the future, lol.
This one is my favorite. My older guy was two and painted this creation. When I asked him what it was, he told me, "Santa's Footprints." It is now one of my standard Christmas decorations and will be until the day I pass it on to him.
This one is my favorite. My older guy was two and painted this creation. When I asked him what it was, he told me, “Santa’s Footprints.” It is now one of my standard Christmas decorations and will be until the day I pass it on to him.

Back to the original reason for this post! I’m sharing my dear friend Diane Lang’s article on handling the holiday season in a more peaceful, positive way. Here is the link to her most recent article! If it speaks to you, please feel free to share and possibly come back here to share your thoughts on her timely tips!

Have a wonderful day, everyone!

Joanna

SAD–Don’t Let It Get the Best of You! (Part 2)

by Joanna Aislinn

Welcome to Thursday, friends and followers. For those whose kids brought home pillowcases full of Halloween candy, good luck on dealing with having it in the house, lol! If you’re stuck with leftover candy and/or acquired way-too-much to keep, you may want to consider looking into local programs that ship candy to our military personnel overseas. Sometimes what appear to be the smallest acts of kindness can bring joy to folks under a totally different type of stress–and who doesn’t love a care package?

Ā  Ā 

Back to today’s topic! Last time, my dear friend Diane Lang discussed Seasonal Affective Disorder and some of its apparently known causes. (Here’s the link to Part 1–please remember to come back!)

Treatment for Seasonal Affective Disorder – 10 Tips to Prevent the Winter BluesĀ 

There are treatment options for SAD so you can stay happy during the longer, darker and colder winter days.Ā  Here are some tips to help prevent the winter blues:

1. Get as much light as you can even when you’re indoors.Ā OpenĀ TahoeĀ shades, roll up the curtains, move your desk near the windows, etc.

2. Spend time outdoors during the daylight hours.Ā The weather is cold and snowy but we do know that being outside in the winter months is beneficial. Go outside for quick walks and sit in the sun to help lift your spirits. AfterĀ a few days of spending some time outdoors, you will start feeling a little better.

3. Add exercise into your daily routine.Ā Exercise, even just walking, produces endorphins and reduces stress hormones at the same time so you get a boost of happiness.

4. Make sure to add some fun into your life.Ā Even though the weather keeps us homebound, it doesn’t mean you can’t have fun! Instead of feeling trapped inside, find ways to engage in things you love.

5. Be social even in the winter months.Ā Adding more social activities where you will be surrounded with family and friends can give the extra support you need.

6. Take a vacation.Ā Some clients feel a sense of isolation and loneliness in the winter months, if this is the case setting up vacation time in warm, sunny spots can help and give you something to look forward to.

7. Try “Light Therapy.”Ā We know that increased sunlight helps improve the symptoms ofĀ SAD. There are certain lights you can buy called “Light Therapy Box” which mimics outside light and helps you lift your mood and spirits.

8. See a counselor before winter starts.Ā If you have a mild case, you can take preventive methods such as seeking a counselor right before late fall to start talking to someone who can help.

9. MedicationsĀ – Doctors have prescribed anti-depressants that have worked well for some patients.

10. Psychotherapy (i.e., counseling) is another great option.Ā The therapist can help you identify your negative thoughts and behaviors and help change them. A therapist can also help you find good coping skills to feel better.

What I love about Diane’s tips is how practical each is–and most at little to no damage to one’s wallet or purse. #3 is probably my saving grace. Exercise–especially walking and/or dancing to my favorite tracts–keeps me upbeat. The endorphins–i.e., feel-good hormones–released when one exercises regularly are for real. And feeling good about how I look just bumps up my mood and outlook that much Ā more!

As always, special thanks to Diane for sharing her wisdom and ideas! And to you of course, for stopping by and adding to the possibilities via sharing what has worked for you. And if you please, won’t you take a moment click one of the SHARE buttons?

Take care all!

Joanna

Ten Tips To Sweep Out Stress–Declutter Your Life

by Joanna Aislinn

Hi everyone,

So sorry I’ve been MIA these past two weeks–keeping up with added running around on my to-do list and not all of it mine, lol. Hopefully, life will return to normal sooner than later.

Lucky for me I’ve got wonderful friends sending great content this way. Then I get to share with you! Here are Diane Lang’s top ten tips for minimizing stress. (Thanks, Diane!)

BIO:Ā Diane Lang – Positive Living Expert and psychotherapist – is a nationally recognized author, educator, speaker, therapist and media expert.Ā Lang is extremely mediagenic and offers expertise on a variety of health and wellness topics about creating balance and finding happiness through positive living. Lang offers expertise in multiple mental health, lifestyle and parenting needs.Ā  In addition to holding multiple counseling positions, Diane is also an adjunct professor at Montclair State University and Centenary College.

Ā  Ā  Ā 

1. Basic needsĀ – Make sure your basic needs are met. Keep a journal for a week of what you eat, how much sleep you get, did you exercise, etc. At the end of the week you can get a clear picture of whatā€™s going on in your life and what changes you can make.

2. Gratitude – start your day off with gratitude checks – this will help you see things clearly and change your perspective.

3. Can/canā€™t control – work on what you can control. If we continue to work on things we have no control over, we will always feel frustrated and stressed.

4. Social support – have a support system set up.

5. Self soothe – when things become stressful and youā€™re feeling out of balance, find ways to calm down by doing activities that soothe you such as a bath, talking a walk, listening to music, etc.

6. Pay it forward – we always feel happier when we help others.

7. Exercise is the one of the best and most natural ways to de-stress. If we walk four times a week for 30 minutes, each time we get the similar results as taking an anti-anxiety drug.

8. Nature instantly calms us – spend more time outdoors.

9. Add variety to your life and spice it up. Every time we try something new we get a boost of happiness ā€“ when youā€™re happy you are less stressed.

10. Enjoy the simple things in life – take the small things you love like a cup of coffee, talking to your friend, reading a book and actually enjoy it. Spend time doing that one activity.

I love how number 10 ties it all together, as every one of these suggestions really is simple and easy to employ. I try really hard to incorporate each one but sometimes fall short with #4 and #9.

Your turn! How do you destress? Any of the above areas you feel a need to work on? Did you get the Halloween candy yet?

Have a great week, friends,

Joanna

Is YOUR Family on Technology Overload?

by Joanna Aislinn

Hi all! School is underway, things are busier–again–and this parent is often (uh always) trying to keep up. Ever-evolving technology adds more pressure to our time-crunched situations. Here are some tips/ideas for staying sane in a world that moves way too fast and never seems to sleep.Ā 

Parenting Issues Caused by Technology Overload. Help!

Ā  Ā 

Summary:Ā Ā Therapist, author and Positive Living Expert Diane Lang addresses a common question clients ask her: “How can I be a good parent with all these distractions? Between my cell phone, texting, e-mails, etc. I feel I never get a break.” Today’s technology overload creates three mainĀ fixableĀ problems that parents should address with these specific tips listed below.

Fixable Problem #1: We Are Always “Plugged In”:Ā Parents always felt overwhelmed and busy, but now with all the added technology, our work weeks are much longer and we feel like the world never stops. The new work week looks way different then the days of 40 hours a week. Most people work 60-80 hours a week due to longer commutes and always being “plugged in” due to technology. But this is just part of the battle…

Fixable Problem #2: Communication Issues Within Families:Technology also causes communication issues within families. I hate to tell this true story, but it nails the point. I was at dinner the other night and I saw a family of four sitting around the table waiting for their food. The mom was reading the menu but the dad and the two kids were all texting or searching on their phones. It made me sad to see a family actually have the opportunity to spend quality time together and not take advantage of it. Unfortunately, this example is quite common and becoming the norm. I know in my own household if I’m in the house and my husband is outside in the yard, he will call me on my cell before walking inside to talk to me.

Fixable Problem #3: Instant Gratification and Laziness:Ā We have created a society of instant gratification and laziness. We see the problems in kids as a result. Their lack of physical exercise, social skills and obesity are big issues today. It’s one thing to have a group of friends, but nowadays we hear kids say “I have over a 100 friends on Facebook” but yet they only have met a few in person.

Five Tips to Fix:Ā Because of the technology overload, we are up against new issues in parenting and relationships in general and there are no new rules or handbooks to help families handle this situation. However, some basic tips still apply to keeping a happy, healthy home:

1. CommunicateĀ – we always tell parents to spend quality time with their kids. It used to be have family dinners together. We now have to add to the dinner that there should beĀ no technology! The dinner table should be a sacred time where everyone joins in the conversation: parents, children and other family members. Ask open ended questions that cannot be answered with a “yes” or a “no.”Ā 

2. Be an active listenerĀ – in the world of technology, we don’t have as much face to face time BUT when we do it’s important to be a good listener. Make sure to have direct eye contact. Watch your non-verbal language, show you’re listening by nodding your head, facial expressions, etc. Listen to the whole story or question, pause to think about it and then answer. Really listen when someone talks – don’t think about your answer or another topic while they are speaking. Show you care.

3. Socialization is a key factor in our happiness.Ā  Join in with family events, the community, friends, etc. Make sure a lot of your socialization is in person; we need face to face interaction.

4. Lose the attachmentĀ – all the latest technology is great and helpful, but we don’t NEED it. Don’t allow your life to be controlled by technology. HaveĀ technology free timesĀ such as after 8pm at night and during dinner time as mentioned above. This is your time to spend with family, read a book, etc.

5. Be a good role modelĀ – you teach your kids through your actions. Kids are visual learners so if your kids constantly see you on the phone, texting, etc. they will follow suit. If you’re ignoring your kids to text or sitting at the dinner table with your laptop or TV on, you will have your kids repeat the same behavior. Kids will imitate what they observe. What do you want them to see?

Visit Diane at her website:Ā www.dlcounseling.com.

As always, pertinent, practical information that’s right on time! Thanks to Diane for sharing her wisdom and for allowing me to pass it on to you! And please feel free to SHARE below–I thanks ye!

Have a great day,

Joanna

PEM: Diane Lang on Life Learned!

by Joanna Aislinn

Hi all,

Welcome to a new week and another Positive Energy Monday. šŸ™‚ Hope each of you is well.

We’ve had our fair share of challenges this week but are hanging in there as a family and trusting God with the reins. He always seems to handle them better than we do, lol.Ā 

Funny. I always grab my good friend Diane’s inbox entries and share. This one truly applied to me this week–and especially on Sunday, when we got some unwelcome news. (Nothing horrid and totally deal-able.) Guess I can boil it down to it’s been a week of teachable moments.Ā 

Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā Ā Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā Ā 

Every day is a learnable/teachable moment. The more I learn to live in the Now and create my day, the more I realize every moment is precious and can be learned from.

This eliminates the right and wrong. It just means what isā€¦ is what is.

It eliminates ā€œmistakes;ā€ instead of worrying about making a mistake I now realize that there are no mistakes, Ā just teachable moments.

Instead of thinking of ā€œfailuresā€, we just realize we need to adjust our path to fulfill our dreams and goals. Every day offers new opportunities. If you realize that, then you will realize there is no such thing as failure. A new direction has opened up.

If we think in the moment, we realize how great each moment is. You’re alive. The moment is all yours to do as you wish.

When you live in the now, you break free from control issues. In the now, we don’t worry about the future and why should we? We can’t control it anyway. We let go of the past because we realize itā€™s gone and we have the power to make each moment be whatever we choose.

When we live in the moment we actually stop and smell the flowers. We realize how many simple moments of pleasure we actually have each and every day. The small things give us the biggest pleasures such as my daughterā€™s laugh, my dogā€™s excitement every time I walk through the door, the warm sun and the lazy days of summer.

If we all could live in the NOW we could release a lot of our worry, anxiety and fear. Imagine life without those distractions.

For more information visit my website:Ā www.dlcounseling.comĀ or my blog atĀ www.creatingbalanceandfindinghappiness.wordpress.com

Buy Diane’s books here: Baby Steps: The Path from Motherhood to Career and Creating Balance

Counseling Educator
www.dlcounseling.com

Thanks to Diane, as always, for allowing me to pass Ā her wisdomĀ to you. The more I get to know her, the more I realize how much great insight she has and how blessed I am to be on the receiving end of it!Ā 

My HMO about a book I loved later this week! Thanks for stopping in!

Joanna